I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
