Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were trust falling into bushes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
