we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
