Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
