Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
