I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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