We won't sleep together?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
