They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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