There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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