i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
