just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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