dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
