First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
