And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
