Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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