What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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