im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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