i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
