Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
