Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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