I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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