I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize