don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
