Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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