My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
