So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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