Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
