I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
