He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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