You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
