It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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