Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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