3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
