My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If that was your dad, he is hot
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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