dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
