My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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