In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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