Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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