as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
