im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
