Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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