he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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