I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
