I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
