champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
