Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
