Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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