How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't deserve a penis
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize