the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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