You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
