This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
