omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
