Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
