Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
