I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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