new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
