My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
