I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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