her vagine was all disorganized.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
