FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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