just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
