Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They have beer where we have blood.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
