I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish you could order shots online.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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