I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just had sex bonerless
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize